Fighting Through the Haze

Living in China can be like living within a cloud. But not the type of cloud where you are sitting above everything and feeling so light and free. Not the shape-shifting fluffy clouds that make us stare up at the sky in adoration.  I want you to think of the clouds you go through on a plane when you hit turbulence, you can't see much and you just don't know when it is going to stop...that is the type of cloud I'm talking about. 

Today was the first day in a very long time where I finally felt like I broke out of that turbulent cloud, and could see beyond the haze. The beautiful mountains across the river, that really aren't that beautiful most days because you cannot see through the pollution, were so beautifully visible. I knew the air quality here affected me on a daily basis, but I always just thought about my burning eyes, short breaths, and glasses never ever looking clean. But I realized today it is a lot more than that. It keeps me from living the life I want to live. I went for a run today for only the second time since I moved to China in August. I forgot what a luxury it was to do something so simple, that I had always taken for granted. I felt alive. I could take a deep breath and be happy that I did so. I could look across the river and smile, rather than scowl in disgust. Today was a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it did feel so good to have clean air, blue skies, and the sun shinning, but a curse because this was a rare treat, and not the norm. 

It's been a really long time since I have written on my blog, and I think it has been in big part because I have not felt inspired to share much. Yes, we've done some amazing trips in China and seen some spectacular things, but the day to day things that made me feel so alive and connected while living in Hungary just haven't surfaced here. And although what I'm writing now is not exciting or inspiring, I think I was finally able to poke my head through this hazy space for long enough to see the world I'm living in a little more clearly.